The Darkness Within
How Selfishness Shapes Our Lives
I learned from a young age that no matter who makes up a group or community, the personalities and stories often follow similar patterns. I grew up attending the church pictured above. Though it was yellow at the time—matching my motorcycle better than it does now—the essence of the place remains the same. Even with changes to its facade, the people inside have not changed.
Since the dawn of human consciousness, we have sought meaning and a code of ethics to live by. Whether through Christianity, Islam, or Hinduism, the differences in belief systems don't truly matter. What does matter is the shared goal of having faith in something divine and living to honor that path.
One of the most common challenges to faith—and what often creates cracks in the belief system for many—is the hypocritical nature of their peers. You see it in personal relationships within the community and in how the group interacts with outsiders. The truth is, many wars have been fueled by conflicting beliefs. Whether one group believes they are holier than another or they simply view a different lifestyle or choice as an abomination, these tensions often lead to conflict.
Witnessing hypocrisy at a young age inevitably influenced the person I became. Unfortunately, it wasn't just in church that I saw this; it was everywhere. As we grow older and people come and go from our lives, we realize how few truly honest, selfless people exist. If we take an honest look at ourselves, we’ll see that we are no different from anyone else. We're all preoccupied with our own self-interests, often so focused on them that we fail to see the casualties left in our wake.
Change cannot happen without contemplation, preparation, and then action. But even change is often guided by self-interest, whether those interests are our own or ones instilled by a new social group. Every move we make and decision we choose is driven by a desire to make our lives easier, wealthier, or happier. Some choices have little to no impact on others, while others create a ripple effect that gains momentum and becomes a movement.
We can all strive to live nobly, to honor our maker and love our neighbors. But until we take a hard look at ourselves and understand what causes darkness to swell into vindictive or hateful actions, we have little hope as a community or civilization. Most of humanity lacks the drive or motivation to do the uncomfortable work of self-reflection. This is why you see people retreating from the masses. As we age, our social circles grow smaller, and we become more reclusive.
This mindset often leads to loneliness, especially when you realize that few truly care about your best interests if their own are at stake. Yes, it can be lonely, but it's also freeing. Once you realize that your high school friends may choose a partner or new friend over you, you can let go of that anchor. When you understand that your employer, no matter how close you may be, will terminate and silence you if you're perceived as a threat to the business, you gain a new kind of freedom.
Friends, family, lovers, and colleagues all play important roles in our lives. With each interaction, we learn more about one another and what makes us tick. We learn how to engage without offending, and we discover each other’s weaknesses. When inevitable disagreements arise, those weaknesses become ammunition. At the end of the day, though, when we lay our heads down, all we really care about is surviving another day while chasing money or happiness.
I've always considered myself an optimist, someone who looks for the good in everyone. To this day, I still succeed at that. I can compartmentalize people's bad qualities and focus on their good ones. I believe this trait has allowed me to be part of so many different groups and interact with people outside of my usual circles. However, over the last few years, I’ve witnessed the ugliest sides of people I once held close. This, in turn, led me to confront the selfish and downright awful behaviors I indulged in during my pursuit of happiness. I lied, cheated, and stole to get what I wanted. Each step of the way, I convinced myself I deserved it and that my actions were justified—but they were not.
As you read this, I’m sure it may stir some feelings within you. One might be the realization of the darkness that comes from living a life devoid of trust, or perhaps the truth that our selfishness leads to isolation and despair, creating a void that can never be filled. You're right—it does. But finding the truth is a double-edged sword. Unfortunately, if we don’t come to this realization on our own, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. And even when we try to change for the better, we often end up simply starting a new cycle of self-interest.
So what now? What are we supposed to do with this knowledge? If there’s nothing we can do with it, are we even meant to know it? Or should we just accept things as they are? I don’t have the answers, but I can say that while navigating this darkness alone, I’ve found only a few people capable of truly selfless acts. Yet even they, with all their complexities, stir the dust of existentialism within themselves.
Life is hard—ruthless, cold-hearted, and downright punishing at times. But sometimes, when the sun rises in the east, the light hits the orange leaves of fall just right. Sometimes, we meet someone with whom we can intertwine our souls, experiencing the high that we’re all longing for. Although the journey is long and lonely, and we often have only ourselves to depend on, try to savor the good moments. Immerse yourself in the best qualities of others, because in the blink of an eye, you might find yourself on the outside looking in on a life you once lived.